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donaweasley · 2 years ago

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Haven't yet read this but I'm simply THRILLED to know that someone wrote about this fandom in 2022. I thought I had stepped into a dead fandom. Maybe not!

Thank you!! A lot!

Invisible Chapter 15

Summary: YN YLN has always been third in Class 2-5, right behind Lee Su Ho and Kang Soo Jin but with both of them having left Saebom Highschool, this is her time to shine. That is until Han Seosangnim asks her to tutor Han Seo Jun. A guy who doesn’t even know she existed.

Ship: Han Seo Jun x Female Reader.

Word Count: 2k + words

Sorry, this has been so long but this is the final chapter. Sorry for the wait and I hope the ending is satisfying for everyone.

This has been a journey and I loved writing this story. Thank you to everyone who showed interest in this little story of mine. This was my first written series and it's been the best time writing it. I'm sad it's ended, I probably won't be writing more True Beauty fanfic but I did love writing this very much.

Taglist: @thealexalcala @hayateotaku @tomihoekaeka @goatqueen3 @jeminiepabo @hiraeth-maximoff @yaomomvs @ghostfacefricker6969

True Beauty Masterlist.

Chapter 14.

Chapter 15.

Han Seo Jun couldn’t believe he was doing this. He had willingly called a class meeting. He was willingly calling these people he begrudgingly liked to discuss something. The things he did for you.

Then again, there were very few things he wouldn’t do for you. You had told him about the text and meeting Hae Sung. There was no way that Seo Jun was going to let you do this alone. You had the support of everyone in your class not just your best friends.

“So, everyone understands the plan, yes?” Seo Jun said looking at everyone in the class. They all nodded, understanding how important this was for YN and Seo Jun. It was well known how much the class hated Hae Sung and well anything they could do to help get him out of your life permanently they would do.

You were nervous going into school. Seo Jun had come all the way to your house, and you had gone to school together. Mi Soo Unnie gushing about how cute the two of you were the least of your worries at the moment.

Today was the day that you were going to confront Hae Sung. It terrified you to even think about it. But you knew it needed to happen. You couldn’t continue your life with Hae Sung in the shadows. Waiting to be let back in, knowing that he was behind so many rejections. Pulling the strings of your academic life without your knowledge. You wanted answers and you were determined to get them.

Walking into Saebom, your class and Hae Sung’s class did what they had been doing for months now. Helping you to avoid Hae Sung. You appreciated it, you knew you would not be able to handle seeing Hae Sung’s face before you needed to. As you walked into your classroom, you were surrounded by the girls giving you hugs and the boys shouting fighting. Confused you looked at Seo Jun who smirked and winked at you. Causing you to blush, making the whole class coo at how adorable you were.

The day was a slow one. For once you wouldn’t wait for the end of the day. It was the day to get answers from Hae Sung and the way the class was acting they were probably going to be around to help. Which you appreciated, then again you didn’t know how much of your personal laundry you wanted your classmates to know. In retrospect, there was too much your classmates already knew anyway, so did they know everything really matter?

That was an internal debate you could have later. You knew if you asked Seo Jun would scare your classmates into staying quiet and not saying anything about the confrontation. That made you feel bad though. Did that count as using your boyfriend? You didn’t know and for now, didn’t want to worry about it.

The end of the day came, and you were led to an empty classroom by Seo Jun, there you could see Si Woo and Hyun Ji with Jae Yi as well which was a surprise. You looked at him in shock, your mouth must’ve been open that you felt someone gently closing your mouth. You turned to look at Seo Jun and he just nodded his head.

“I would’ve told you, but Seo Jun wanted this to be a surprise Ynnie” Jae Yi told you. You looked at Seo Jun but again he wouldn’t give you an answer. You weren’t above begging Seo Jun to get answers from him but before you could, Cho Rong was heard shouting.

“Guys hurry up with the explanations Hae Sung is on his way” Looking around everyone nodded their head.

“I’m here as a witness and with the proof of what he did, plus Hyun Ji and Si Woo went through all the applications you filled in that were rejected as more proof. Our plan is to hit him with as much evidence as we can.” Jae Yi explained. You nodded your head before looking at Seo Jun and smiling at him.

He looked more nervous than you and that was saying something. To reassure him, you hugged Seo Jun tightly, just knowing he was here for you was reassuring. Seo Jun whispered in your ear, telling you that he was here and all you had to do was look out the door and wink at him. That was the sign for him to come in. Any moment you felt uncomfortable, just wink and he’ll be there.

“Well, isn’t this sweet, I didn’t come here to see you two hugging Han Seo Jun,” Hae Sung said as soon as he walked into the room. He had a smug smirk on his face like he knew this would all work out in his favour. Was he going to get the shock of his life then?

Seo Jun let go of you and gave you a peck on the lips. Then left the room, hitting Hae Sung with his shoulder on the way out of the room. That made you want to laugh but you knew that would just rile Hae Sung up and that was the last thing you wanted to do. So, you did a poor job of hiding your giggling behind a cough.

“So, you’ve kept a lot of things from me Hae Sung and I would like answers” You started strong, you were not going to let your fear of Hae Sung’s angry words get to you. That was not happening. You had a support system and sadly for Hae Sung, none of them was going to let him leave without telling you the truth of why he did what he did.

“I’ve kept nothing from you YN, my best friend. If anything, you’ve been distant. Hell, you told me that you couldn’t stand to be near me a few months ago” Hae Sung replied, looking you up and down. There was something different in the way you held yourself and he hated it. He heard Si Woo and Hyun Ji scoff at his words. He glared at them, but the two brats just smiled at him. Making him angrier. Why were the two of them even here, not to mention Jae Yi was here? Wasn’t he supposed to still be abroad? When did he come back and contact you?

“Kept nothing from me, sure I would’ve believed that last year but not anymore,” you said and then gestured for Jae Yi to start playing the video. You all turned towards the screen at the front of the classroom. Si Woo even offered you some popcorn which made you laugh but you took some anyway.

As the video played, you could see Hae Sung grow pale. His expression from a smug smirk to confusion to shock and then to disbelief at what he was watching. By the time the video ended, he was refusing to look you in the eyes. Looking anywhere in the room but at you. That was new, Hae Sung had never been afraid of confrontation but looks like being faced with the knowledge that you knew what he had done, scared him.

“Oh, that’s not all that I know Hae Sung. Jae Yi’s family were nice enough to have a Private Investigator delve into my whole academic history, to see if you and Kang So Hee had done this before and well you have. Practically my whole academic life has been controlled by the two of you” As you were saying this, Si Woo and Hyun Ji were putting papers up of all the applications that you’d filled out that had been rejected because of his mother Kang So Hee.

“I just want to know why Hae Sung, what was the point of doing all this? what did you achieve from any of this? Were my emotional breakdowns after being rejected multiple times funny to you? Did it amuse you that I was distraught over something that you had done” You cried to Hae Sung, you just wanted answers and if you were close to tears then so be it. Hae Sung is just silent. You want to shake him, anything to get answers from him.

“I had to do it YN. Do you realise how smart you are? All the applications, all these schools wanted you. It was a struggle to convince them to reject you. I hated to see the emotional breakdowns, but it was a price I had to pay. I need you close to me, all those schools, and opportunities would take you away from me and I couldn’t have that. I tried to keep you isolated from all our classmates.”

“That worked until you met Si Woo and Hyun Ji. I got used to those brats, but I couldn’t let you leave me. Jae Yi was an issue too and I had to get rid of him. It didn’t help that the summer you started dating, you had already rejected me and were pulling away. I had to do everything to keep you with me. I can’t handle anything without you and the only way I saw to keep you with me was to stop any and all opportunities you had that would mean you leave me” Hae Sung said and it took a lot out of him to admit all this to you. So much so that he just sat down in a chair.

All four of you are gobsmacked you couldn’t believe what you had heard. All of this just so you wouldn’t leave him. It didn’t make sense, nothing you had just heard made sense. You didn’t know how to react. All the things you had gone through with Hae Sung by your side, was any of it rule or just a way to make sure that you didn’t leave Hae Sung?

“All of this to make sure YN doesn’t leave you and it’s your behaviour that makes her leave you anyway. If I were you, Hae Sung, I’d go cry to your mother Kang So Hee and change schools, cause the minute this gets out, you’ll be hated more than you already are” Si Woo said calmly looking at Hae Sung with fire in his eyes.

“Too late, everyone already knows, part of the class plan was for me to call Seo Jun when Hae Sung starts confessing. No one will miss you Lee Hae Sung” Hyun Ji mentioned, pulling up her phone and nodding her head to Seo Jun who was at the door.

“Man, I knew you were messed up before and oddly territorial of YN while we were dating but this explains so much and it just makes you look so much worse” Jae Yi was disgusted, to think when he was dating YN, he did everything he could to get Hae Sung to approve of him. This guy needed help, but it was doubtful that he would get the help he needs considering his mother was already doing his bidding and covering for him.

“I never want to see you again Lee Hae Sung. Our friendship is done and dusted. Your control of my academic career is done. You’re lucky that I am not handing this stuff over to the police. Literally because of the good times but I am serious that if I see you again, I will hand this over to the police” you say peacefully. It had been long enough that you had stopped talking to Hae Sung. In the last few months, you had gotten used to not having Hae Sung in your life. You looked towards the door and winked at Seo Jun with a big smile on your face.

Seo Jun was confused but still came into the classroom, he was followed by the rest of your class and you couldn’t help but laugh at the way they all fell into the classroom. Seo Jun went to go fight with Hae Sung but seeing him in the chair looking very docile was weird. Seo Jun looked to you.

You smiled and motioned for Seo Jun to come over to you and to Seo Jun’s shock, you grabbed his collar, pulled him down to you and kissed him in front of everyone. You pulled away and laughed at the dazed look on Seo Jun’s face. Your friends were taking pictures claiming this was blackmail material.

“Last year, I wouldn’t have dared to confront you, Lee Hae Sung. If it hadn’t been for tutoring Seo Jun, I wouldn’t have grown closer to my classmates, realised just how toxic you are and literally, you’re the worst person, I don’t know how we didn’t fight before to the point of our friendship ending but my point is that I am better without you. I’m happy with my boyfriend, friends and family. I used to think that we were two idiots in a pod, platonic soulmates. I was wrong, were not soulmates, nothing you’ve ever done has been to help me. It was all to keep me with you and that hurts.”

“However, you did all of that to keep me around when just one honest conversation could’ve solved everything. Instead, you decided to go behind my back and pull the strings. I am happier without you and really, I feel sorry for you Lee Hae Sung. This is my goodbye. Were strangers from now on” After you’ve said this. You take Seo Jun’s hand and walk out of the classroom. You can hear your classmates clapping and whopping at your exit and that makes you laugh.

“So does this mean, I’m out of tutoring today,” Seo Jun asks putting his arm around your shoulders. You shake your head, even after all this time, this boy will do anything to get out of tutoring.

You’d think you would feel bad or upset. You’d just ended a friendship you had since your childhood. That’s not how you felt though. You felt free, you had been seen as Hae Sung’s best friend for so long. Now you were able to be yourself, you didn’t need to worry about how Hae Sung would react to something if there would be an argument if you had to deal with Hae Sung’s disappointment. You never thought that tutoring Han Seo Jun would lead to your freedom from the cage that had been your friendship with Hae Sung.

THE END.

#true beauty #true beauty fanfic #true beauty fanfiction #han seo jun x reader #han seo jun x you #han seo joon x reader #han seo #han seo jun fanfiction

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solkwan · 3 years ago

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Carnation (prt2) - Han Seojun X Reader

A/N: hi :] thank u for waiting for me. once again, this piece is from the kdrama “True Beauty”, as well as a continuation of the first part (linked below). Feel free to message me if u have a question, if u’d like to kno more about the story, or just wanna talk :D. mwah

Summary: You and Seojun reunite at school.

Disclaimer: i’m using the names from webtoon but im following the kdrama timeline. im not caught up w the webtoon. i’m not fluent in hangul. no use of y/n. gn reader.

Warnings: spoilers for ep.8 thru the rest of the season essentially, read at ur own discretion. swearing, mutual pining, right person/wrong time, bad flower knowledge. mentions of suho/jugyeong.

Word count: 10k

prt 1 <- prt 2 -> epilogue

----

Time had passed since that weekend in the snow.

Though, your voice still echoes in Seojun’s mind.

Seojun hadn’t expected to see you so soon after your last encounter, and in his homeroom nevertheless. You, in the Saebom High uniform. Blazer unbuttoned and sweater vest neatly tucked into your bottoms. With one backpack strap on as you walked through the door, walking across the large windows, sun casting its rays onto you. You, who sat two seats in front of Suho and smiled widely as you greeted your friends. Eyes sparkling as you told them about your weekend. His breath had practically been taken from him.

Seojun came to the realization then that he didn’t pay much attention to the people he attended school with. He regretted it. Reminiscent of all the time he had wasted not getting to know you. Seojun had promised himself he wouldn’t let you be just another classmate he never truly got acquainted with. Up until recently, he had meant that completely platonically. As platonic as sneaking glances in between classes in the hallway could be.

That was until the class’ trip to the countryside. Wherein he decided he has to let Jugyeong go, gathering the kiss she and Suho shared on the trip. He knew where he stood with her and his feelings. Seojun had decided it was for the better. Besides, it had led him to discover his blossoming feelings for you. Perhaps it was the way you cheered for him when he went up to sing for their class on stage. Or the way you offered your sour flavored gummies to him on the bus.

Back then, as everyone was boarding the bus, you had noticed the gloomy look on his face. He ended up sitting next to Jugyeong, but the look remained etched onto his face. You figured if he was going to frown at something, you’d rather it be from a bittersweet candy on his tongue than a girl whose bad mood reflected his own. Maybe they had fought, maybe they were just tired. But as you leaned over the middle of the bus, holding onto the seat in front of you for support, and stretched your arm to tap on Seojun’s shoulder--you couldn’t deny the satisfaction of getting the skin in between his brows to relax, even if only for a minute.

In the time that had passed, both of you remained friendly. Eyes meeting in class and softening slightly. Low murmurs deep enough to rumble in one's chest in passing ‘hello’s’’. You did occasionally feel guilty, though. Rumors had spread about Jugyeong and Seojun being in a secret relationship. You, not understanding the circumstances, in turn, tended to not read too much into your interactions with the boy. He was just being nice, you figured. It was better this way.

Seojun, on the other hand, had been under the impression that you and Seung-joon had been dating. The number of times the two of you had been spotted together was increasing. As well as the amount of teasing from your friends.

In reality, you hadn’t made much progress with Seung-joon. That first weekend that you had met up with Seung-joon hadn’t exactly gone to plan. By the time you had found Seung-joon, it was hardly snowing anymore. More of a light drizzle than anything. Yet, the two of you sat on a cold bench anyway. Watching the dark clouds drift off and the sun appear once more. In school, he was often busy playing on the basketball team, and you were busy with the school choir. Since your schedules never overlapped, you only saw him outside of school. You frequently found yourself going to Seung-joon when you truly wanted to be with Seojun. Which only piled onto the guilt you felt.

Now, Seojun and you sat in class. Both actively resisting the urge to make your way to one another. Sitting patiently in your assigned seats as you waited for class to begin.

“Don’t look now, but Seojun is totally checking you out,”

Your head turns without a thought. In the corner of the classroom sits Seojun, one leg hanging over the other. His arms are splayed lazily on his desk, and his eyes are glued to you. A blush brushes his cheeks when your eyes meet. And yet, he doesn’t turn away.

You’re not blind to his staring. Honestly, it’s hard to be. You just question when his eyes wandered away from Jugyeong and found their way to you. Your friend pinches your thigh.

“I said don’t look,” your friend scolds you.

“Am I not allowed to glance around the classroom?” You tilt your head playfully, giving her a snarky response.

“Not when Seojun is looking at you like that,” she’s just as snippy.

“Like what? He’s just being friendly,” you shrug.

“No way,” she’s leaning forward now, voice close to a whisper, “he’s totally into you!”

You roll your eyes. Annoyed at the way your heart skips a beat at the thought. You take a peek at the back of the classroom once more, and find his eyes are still on you. You offer him a smile and his lips quirk in an awkward smile. He quickly offers a poise bow of his head and fixes his eyes elsewhere immediately afterward.

When you turn back to your friend she has a wide smirk on her face. You glare in return.

“Do you think that because you have a boyfriend now more guys will approach you?” She teases you but you don’t find the humor in it.

“Who said I had a boyfriend?” the way your voice drops tells her it's serious.

The smirk begins to fade from her face. She opens her mouth to say something but quickly closes it when she can’t find the words. She glances off to the large window to your left, searching for answers in the clouds. The gears turn in your head.

Before you can reach a proper conclusion, Mr. Han walks through the door and is starting class. Your friend jerks her body towards the front of the classroom, successfully saving herself. Your teacher begins class by saying good morning. You can make Seojun’s voice out through the chorus of monotone students. The usual conversation starts up within the class. Students don’t want to study, Mr. Han makes an agonizing attempt to cheer everyone up, and everyone cringes at the corniness.

Unsatisfied with your classmate, you lean forward and whisper as loudly as you can without getting caught. Letting her know that you are not done with the conversation.

“Did Seung-joon say something?” you ask her and her head slowly turns back to you.

Her face is distressed as she wonders if it’s the right idea to say something. Mr. Han is going on about choosing students to assign the weekly cleaning to. Everyone avoids his eyes.

“Well,” she finally speaks out, “I just heard around that you two went out,”

“Heard from who?” You’re stubborn and she’s lavishly regretting bringing up the topic.

“Just some upperclassmen,” she shrugs it off, “I’m sure the whole class heard about it, it’s not a big deal or anything--”

“Seojun,” Mr. Han’s voice echoes through the classroom. It lulls your conversation.

Seojun, whose eyes had previously been glued to your frame, is surprised when Mr. Han is singling him out. Eyes wide and searching the board for some sort of clue as to why he was being addressed in front of the entire classroom. Mr. Han is staring at him expectedly. When he doesn’t answer, the rest of his classmates’ heads start to turn.

Yours included. Wondering how Mr. Han had voiced your thoughts.

Seojun, you wondered. Had he heard the rumor, too? Did he think you and Seung-joon were dating? Did he know Seun-joon was the one you were meeting that day? Did he suspect he ruined that date?

You turn your head to view him, waiting for him to answer Mr. Han. He’s panicking, though, and you can tell he wasn’t listening to the discussion either. Your eyes meet once more and he stumbles over his words.

“What was the question?” His eyes are blinking in confusion.

A few students chuckle at his puzzlement. A sigh is heard from Mr. Han.

“You’ve got cleaning duty today, do you have a problem with that?”

Once Seojun processes the question, his instincts take over. He cooly tilts his head and winces.

“Ah, I do,” he lies, “Cram school, unfortunately,”

Seojun didn’t go to cram school. He did, however, have to pick up some medicine for his mom to help with the recovery of her most recent surgery. Unluckily for him, the pharmacy is an unyielding 20-minute walk in the opposite direction of his home. It’s times like these Seojun regrets giving up his motorcycle.

“That’s alright. Studying is important, after all,” Mr. Han wearisomely nods his head at the excuse, “we’ve got a quiz coming up,”

The class groans at the words. Their morning is burdened with the reminder of yet another grueling quiz that’ll only deter them further from pursuing higher education. And, though Mr. Han has accepted the excuse, he’s giving Seojun a warning look.

Briefly, you wonder if this has happened more than once. Wonder if while you’ve been distracted by Seojun’s drama and dating rumors, you’ve completely missed him dodging every academic duty that’s been thrown his way. Irritation blooms in your chest at the thought, and you realize you’ve never once seen Seojun get cleaning duty. His leave of absence suddenly makes you think.

“Any volunteers to take Seojun’s place?”

While Mr. Han is distracted again, you address your friend once more, needing more information.

“What did you hear about Seung-joon and me?”

She’s disappointed at the way you haven’t dropped the subject yet but knows now more than ever you won’t stand down. Hesitatingly, she tells you what she knows.

“Students were saying that Seung-joon was going to ask to be your boyfriend, but judging by your reaction I’m guessing he . . . “ the words die off.

You shake your head at your friend. Sure, the two of you hung out, but neither of you had taken it to the next step. Seojun had prevented you from doing so, and you’re sure Seung-joon noticed your hesitancy. Leaving you on a plateau of confusing, mixed-up emotions.

Mr. Han’s attention goes to your side of the classroom. Obviously taking note of your chatter.

“Suho, take Seojun’s place, will you?”

Suho, sitting a couple seats behind you, politely nods. Everyone else in your section lets out a sigh of relief having not heard their own names, you included.

“And one more student,” Mr. Han pretends to think before your name flies out of his mouth, “You two should be fine, yes?”

You don’t have time to react because another voice cuts through the classroom.

“No!” Seojun rises from his seat, chair squeaking as he does so. The class turns to him at the sudden outburst. The panic is evident on Seojun’s face as he searches for a way to fix his mistake.

“ . . . way,” he finally says, “No way, today is Monday,” He feigns surprise. Eyebrows rising and eyes nervously blinking.

“Thank you, Seojun, you may take your seat now,” Mr. Han says.

“It’s Monday, and I just remembered that I don’t have cram school on Mondays,” Seojun finally reaches a conclusion, sitting down awkwardly.

“What kind of cram school doesn’t start on Mondays?” Hyunkyu, the bowl-cut-haired man, challenges him. Seojun resists the urge to get back up and smack him hard enough to knock off his glasses.

“Which means, I can totally stay after school today to clean up,” he gestures towards you, “We both can,”

The pharmacy doesn’t close until 7 anyway, and the dusk sky looks prettier after he’s spent his day staring at you.

Mr. Han scratches the back of his neck, “Alright, Seojun and--”

“Mr. Han,” you squeak out, one hand raised slightly in an attempt to remain polite, “I hate to do this, I really do, but I’ve actually got choir practice today--”

Mr. Han cuts you off with a sigh, hands covering his face in exaggeration. Remembering the predicament you’ve told him about before. The class stills in fear that he’ll have an outburst. The silence is louder than ever as Mr. Han stays hidden behind his hands.

“Sorry,” you manage.

His hands drop and he shakes his head, “I should’ve done a better job at knowing your guys’ schedules. I am your homeroom teacher, am I not?” Nobody responds.

“Suho and Seojun will have cleaning duty today, that’s final,”

----

Suho is nowhere to be seen. It’s not too long after dismissal now, most students heading home or chatting with classmates as they walk the same way. And Seojun ends up in his homeroom classroom by himself.

Seojun thinks maybe Suho is avoiding him. Perhaps he finally got the courage to disobey Mr. Han, and decided not to show. Hell, Suho is probably with Jugyeong at the moment, spending time together behind closed doors. A more commonly occurring thing now that the two were secretly seeing each other. This left Seojun alone, standing in the back of the classroom, shoving dusty science textbooks into an equally unkempt bookshelf.

Time moves far too slow for his liking and the endless list of tasks seemingly gets longer. The ticking of the clock makes his frustration rise. As the long hand ticks 15 marks forward, Seojun has to face the reality that Suho isn’t showing up any time soon, and he’ll most likely end up cleaning the entire classroom on his own. At this rate, he could probably make it to the pharmacy before it closes, but he’d get home not too long after the sun lays to sleep for the day. He grumbles at the thought.

Seojun’s strategy to combat said thought is simple. It goes like this; Stack as many of the same books together as he can, grab them all at once, and slide them into the corresponding shelf as quickly as he can. This is the most efficient way, he decides. He makes a show of squatting as he grabs a new pile.

“Need some help with that?” You stand at the back doorway of the classroom. Your hand is gripping one strap of your backpack, a habit Seojun now picked up on with how often he looked for you when you’d walk to your seat. Which he had memorized the day he first noticed you, making note of your friendliness towards your classmates. Smiles across the board when you’d greet them all. Even Suho sparing you a nod. It made Seojun’s insides itch.

Your voice startles Seojun. It makes him turn too fast, causing his grip to loosen mid-transfer. He’s nearly dropping the textbooks. You’re quick to rush to him, though. Your feet glide across the floor and your hands fly up to stabilize the texts. You reach him just in time.

The position is awkward, though. The mound of books is tilted. Corners of books stick out uncomfortably and are on the verge of slipping out of the stack. Seojun’s hands desperately hold onto the books. Your hands are adjacent to his. Clutching where you can so you don’t drop anything, elbows stretched as you try to cover more room.

In the heat of the moment, your body has pressed itself as close as it can to the books. The rough corners press into your skin anywhere it sees fit. The same goes for Seojun. The only thing that separates you two is a cluster of An Introduction to Calculus. You knew there was a reason you disliked calculus so much.

Seojun’s pupils are blown wide and his mouth is parted. You can’t help but stare at the hair that reaches the back of his neck. It’s almost nostalgic being this close to him again. Memories of the cold that brushed your skin that afternoon, what felt like eons ago. Fingers tight and shaking to grip him closer.

He catches you staring and embarrassment floods your veins. You pull away, forgetting the mess you’re tangled in. This results in the books slipping out of place.

Seojun’s eyes widen almost comically. You realize your mistake and attempt to catch what you still can. Both you and Seojun lean down at the same time in an attempt to catch them, knocking heads in the process. You both recoil and your efforts are to no avail. The math textbooks hit the floor with loud thuds.

Maybe nostalgia is just that. Feelings of reminiscence to bring back the hammering of your heart that serve you no true purpose. You rub your forehead in defeat and avoid his eyes.

“Sorry,” you say, swallowing, “I didn’t mean to startle you,”

“It’s okay,” His own hand is rubbing at his forehead,

“What are you doing here?”

His directness catches you off guard. This was not the same Seojun that had blushed when you caught him staring this morning.

“I told Suho I would come,” And here Seojun thought Suho had finally gained some guts, “But then I got caught up in convincing my choir club to let me leave early. They all thought I was meeting with Seung-joon,”

At the mention of him, Seojun visibly deflates.

“--But I told them you were waiting for me,” you finally look at him, “And they finally let me leave,”

Seojun tries to not let your words affect him so much. He nods as he processes your words.

“I felt bad for leaving you stuck with Suho. Not that I don’t like Suho, or--or that you don’t like Suho. You two just don’t--” you stop yourself, “I just didn’t think it was fair for me not to do my part in cleaning,”

Seojun’s eyes are soft when you look at them. His face is relaxed and oddly comforting. You can’t help the way your heart rate picks up.

“Shall we get to it then?”

----

You move towards the podium at the front of the classroom, having finished putting the textbooks away as well as dusting the shelf. On the podium sits a small potted plant. Green has sprouted and you can see a hint of yellow where the flower will bloom. The soil stares at you expectantly. You spot a spray bottle on the inside shelf of the podium and grab it quickly. You’re not sure where to start but you decide to go for it. How hard could it be to water some plants, right?

The ‘pshh’ of the water makes Seojun look up from where he’s scraping gum off a desk. You try to ignore him as you aim haphazardly for the soil. It’s pointless as Seojun gets up from where he’s crouching and makes his way to the podium. He reaches you and carefully examines your actions. You look up at him, waiting for whatever he wants to say.

“May I?” his hands go up to yours, you assume he wants the bottle from you. You give him the go-ahead and start to hand him the bottle. Seojun doesn’t grab it, though. Instead, he cups his hands over yours and carefully guides the nozzle. He moves in closer to do so, his shoulder nudging with yours. You’re surprised at how natural his hands feel against yours.

“Tulips don’t need very much water,” he carefully examines the soil to see what parts are moist, “if it gets too soggy, it’ll rot”

He guides your finger to spray softly on the soil. You’re all too aware of the way his body fits next to yours.

“How do you know it’s a tulip?” you narrow your eyes and he simply uses one hand to point at where the flower is sprouting.

“The bulb,” he gives you no further explanation.

In the corner of the room, your phone goes off with a notification. The ding rings loudly in the quiet classroom. It startles you and makes you pull your hands away from his. Leaving the spray bottle in his hands.

Guilt starts to pound at your chest. You feel as if the two of you have been caught. You know it’s Seung-joon checking up on you. Yet, you don’t move to check it. Seojun glances at you, but when you don’t say anything, he decides to do the same. Paying it no attention as he focuses on the plant in front of you two.

Seojun delicately holds the long, green stem of the plant as he sprays water with his opposite hand. You watch with careful eyes as he does so, trying not to let awkwardness overtake the room. His eyes are squinted in concentration and his focus is on the potted plant. You appreciate his attentiveness.

It becomes clear to you that Seojun isn’t as intimidating as the entire school has made him out to be. Surely, he hadn’t been kicked out of school. He isn’t a gangster who gets expelled for starting fights or getting into trouble outside of school. No, he’s a teenager with an oddly large amount of knowledge of flowers. One who knows enough about greenery to tell apart nonflowering tulips and daisies, you’re sure. A young man whose only worry in the world is ensuring this very tulip gets the right amount of hydration. You think about asking him about it.

“I guess you know a lot about flowers,” you say.

Seojun’s vigilance is broken and you half regret speaking. He looks at you, lowering the spray bottle. His eyelashes look pretty from here. You panic.

“I just mean with how often you bring--”

He lets out a chuckle. Your heart skips a beat. His lips settle into a gentle smile as he lowers his body to take a closer look at the soil.

“I like to think I’m coming close to an expert,” there’s a teasing undertone in his voice and it makes you scoff.

He looks up at you and you can’t handle his long eyelashes blinking at you like that. You fail to bite back a smile so you attempt to hide it by looking away from him. He notices, though. You click your tongue.

“I wouldn’t have said it if I knew it’d feed your ego so much,” you tease back but he shakes his head.

“Ms. Yoon is the flower expert,” you meet his gaze as he explains. “She owns the flower shop I go to. That woman knows everything about botany. She’s taught me all I know. From how much sunlight a plant should get to the significance of gifting different types of flowers,”

Your mouth falls open and an ‘ah’ with it. He surely must have known what giving you carnations insinuated, then. Perhaps it's why he blushed so hard that day. You find yourself nodding as he goes on.

“If not for her,” his eyes flick back and forth at nothing in particular, “I would have killed any plant I’ve come in contact with,”

You imagine Seojun entering a flower shop. The sight is almost laughable. Probably overwhelmed as he takes in all the different colored petals that surround him. Eventually working up the courage to ask an older woman in an apron for help. A blush spreading across his cheeks as he asks what kind of flowers would be best to congratulate someone.

Your thoughts are brought back to reality as Seojun sighs deeply. Looking at the soil once more.

“You should have more faith in yourself,” you scold him.

He looks back at you with raised eyebrows. Your words contradict what you said earlier about feeding his ego. He stands easily and his presence overshadows yours.

“I have no trouble being confident in myself,” his teasing returns, “Now, we should let this soak.”

He sets down the spray bottle onto the podium. Then walks back to the desk he was working on, crouches, and starts scraping at the sticky substance under it again. You wonder again about him.

“You know, if I’m being honest,” you’re saying the words before you can give them a second thought, “I didn’t think you liked me all that much,”

Seojun’s head shoots up, his face filled with puzzlement.

“Why would you think that?”

You pick up a rag and head towards the windows, trying to distract yourself. Seojun keeps a steady gaze on you. You look away, his full attention too much for you. Embarrassment creeps up your neck when you realize you have to respond.

“Well, it’s just that,” you start wiping down the windows, “with how we ran into each other at the mall, and earlier in class today, I just kind of figured—“

“I do like you,”

Your hands freeze in place. The way the words sound on his tongue is enticing. And you find yourself enjoying them more than you think you should.

“You shouldn’t say things like that,” you swallow hard, “people will get the wrong idea,”

You do your best to naturally fall back into the work. Though it’s awkward, you continue. A particularly cloudy spot on the window gives you trouble. You use all your force to scrub at it.

“So? You’re Gowoon’s friend, we should get along,” So he had recognized you.

Gowoon and you were friendly, sure, but not enough for Seojun to have the need to be familiar with you.

“Yeah, Gowoon’s friend,” you grumble.

Gowoon’s friend. Gowoon. Not Seojun’s. Not Seojun’s friend because of course, you aren’t friends. You’ve barely had three conversations together if that. Being in the same class doesn’t automatically make you two close. Neither does what happened at the mall during the first snowfall. What happened at the mall was a coincidence. A mistake; a distraction. A distraction like the stupid stain on the window that isn’t going away no matter how hard you--

Water hits the window. It has you freezing. You’re surprised as you turn to face the perpetrator. Seojun holds the spray bottle from earlier and you can see regret creep onto his face for the second time since you’ve conversed with him. He had finished scraping under the desks.

“Thanks,” you mumble as you finally rub the spot out.

His gaze lingers on you briefly before spraying the next window pane. He’s gentle in the way he holds his own rag, Spritzing and letting the liquid drip before running the damp rag along the glass. The way his tough demeanor falls as he wipes the window has you thinking back to your thoughts at the beginning of class that day. You figure there’s no harm in asking. This way, you can confirm your suspicion.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t bother to stop your thoughts now.

“Sometimes I speak without thinking,” he interrupts.

You’re surprised when a loud laugh leaves you. Seojun finds relief in it.

“Not what I was going to ask, but I’m glad you’re self-aware,” you relish in the playfulness while you still can, “Actually, I was going to ask you something a little more serious. This might not be my place to ask—and you don’t have to answer if you don’t . . . “

You trail off as his face falls. Like he knows what you’re going to ask. Which you think is impossible because you can hardly collect your thoughts enough to get a sentence out. Still, he looks at you as if he can read your thoughts. Seriousness falling onto his features.

“How come you’ve never had cleaning duty before,”

You both know that’s not what you’re asking. You know why he’s never had cleaning duty before. It’s because before he hardly went to school enough to be assigned to it. Even now that he was consistent with coming to school, he always found a way to weasel out of most extracurricular activities that required him to stay any longer than the average school day.

It couldn’t be what everyone said it was. That he ran around with sketchy people, beating others up and challenging students from other schools with bad reputations. There was no way Seojun could hurt a fly with the way he handled the bulbing plant. Wiped at the window. Scraped at gum, even. Motions as smooth as rocking waves, careful not to scratch the desk. The way his warm hands passed you textbooks. Fingers sweeping against yours. Bracelet shining when it caught the light--

“Gowoon’s always been better at the school thing,” he finally says, chewing on his cheek, “And I’ve always been better at taking care of our mom,”

Seojun hates the way pity fills your eyes. It’s the way everyone looks at him after they find out the truth about all his absences. Sadness combing over their body and sympathy filling their words. He half regrets the words leaving his mouth, that is until you reach up and squeeze his arm.

“Sometimes,” you speak, not quite sure if you’re going to say the right thing, but trying regardless, “the world throws things at us,” You’re not meeting his gaze, “And we can’t do anything about it except face it and bare our teeth. It’ll be painful and heart-wrenching. And it’ll feel like no one can understand what you’re going through. But that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone,”

The moment your eyes meet his, Seojun’s breath leaves him. He feels a sudden rush of fear. Fear at the way your words comfort him more than anyone else’s ever have. Even Gowoon's and his mom’s. Maybe it’s precisely because they’re coming from you and not anyone else. The fear yanks him by his neck and makes his heart speed up. He’s overcome with the thought of kissing you, and it terrifies him.

Seojun thinks back to this morning when he saw you enter his homeroom. He couldn’t help but stare, then, at the sun-kissed skin that he caught flashes of behind your collared shirt. Swallowing as he remembered how close you two had gotten that day outside the mall. Enough so that he could smell your perfume through the humid air. It was sweet and alluring. It fit you well. If Seojun concentrated hard enough right now, he’s almost certain he’d be able to smell it again.

Seojun is afraid at the thought. He quickly takes a step back, causing you to drop your hand.

“I know,” he brushes it off, “I--thank you,”

Your brows furrow sweetly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s okay,” he’s quick to reassure you, “My mom--she’s--she’s better now. She spent some time at the hospital and is recovering well,”

Relief floods your system.

“That’s good!” you’re too loud, “That’s great, um, must be why you returned to school, huh?”

You feel silly at your previous attempt to comfort him. He didn’t need to go through things alone, of course, he didn't. He has actual friends and family, after all. Gowoon and Jugyeong, Chorang—

You self consciously run your fingers through the rag still in your hands. Mind whirling through ways to make conversation.

“Yeah,”

Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation die. Don’t let the conversation--

“Oh,” you speak, “that must be why you visited that flower shop to begin with,”

His eyes are narrowing and his lips quirk up.

“That and I wanted to congratulate Gowoon for making the choir club,”

You’re startled at the way his tone turns into a light, feathery one.

“Sorry, I guess sometimes I speak without thinking, too,”

Now, it’s his turn to laugh loudly.

----

The sun makes its way lower and lower as you and Seojun finish cleaning up the classroom. Double-checking books and gathering up all the trash as you two work in comfortable silence. The only thing left on the list is to lock up and properly dispose of the two garbage bags sitting in the corner of the room. You’re a little sad to see your time together is coming to an end. You stall by going over the to-do list, humming as you pretend to think.

“I think that’s all for today,” you sigh out.

Seojun comes in close and examines the list over your shoulder.

“Guess so,” his voice rings in your ear.

Your hands tightly clutch at the clipboard that holds the list, bare nail beds on display. Your thumb brushes over the paper, self consciously.

“Should we take out the garbage--?” you’re asking, turning your head over your shoulder to look at Seojun. His face is much closer than you anticipated, nose mere inches from yours. You’re both surprised by the sudden invasion of space. The two of you quickly pull back, embarrassed.

“Sure,” he mutters.

Both you and Seojun gather your things in silence.

“Alright, let’s go,” He makes a beeline for the exit, grabbing one of the bags as he does so. You rush to grab the other garbage bag and lock up the classroom. You have to jog a little to catch up to him, already nearing the end of the hallway.

“Is your boyfriend not walking you home today?” he says it nonchalantly, but the fact he’s noticed Seung-joon says he’s been paying attention to the two of you. You make your way down the stairs.

“My boyfriend?”

“Yeah, that guy,” he grips the bag tightly, “What’s his name, Seung-min?”

A smile spreads across your lips. It’s ironic. Considering all that differentiated their names was a single character, you found it hard to believe he didn’t know Seung-joon’s name. A little round circle that effectively changes the way your tongue shapes the words. A mere consonant separates the two boys.

“Seung-joon doesn’t walk me home, just to the bus station,” you state calmly, “And he isn’t my boyfriend,”

“Isn’t he?” Seojun attempts to speak in an indifferent tone, but his face betrays him.

“No,” your response is immediate as you reach the bottom of the stairs, slowing when you’re unsure of which hallway to walk down. Seojun makes the decision for you when he turns left. The longer way, you note.

“Don’t you two spend most of your time together?”

“Not necessarily,” You speak carefully, “He’ll walk with me when he can and texts me throughout the day,”

“Why don’t you tell me what you think a boyfriend is supposed to do,” Seojun is teasing you now. Glancing at you way too often for him not to care, you think.

You‘re rolling your eyes lightheartedly. Shaking your head, you explain.

“Just because we text doesn’t mean we’re dating. Dating someone is more than that. It’s going out of your way to make time for them. It’s listening and communicating with one another. Someone who is comforting, but still scares you a little.“

Seojun chuckles at the thought.

“Seriously! Someone whose name gets you excited. Makes you feel–”

“Safe,” Seojun finishes.

Heat rushes through your body as you force yourself down from your soapbox. You reach the end of the hallway and turn a corner.

“Yeah,” you mutter quietly, the back exit door getting closer and closer.

Though you’re embarrassed, you have to admit that you don’t want your time with Seojun to end.

“Seung-joon,” you hesitate, treading ahead decisively, “He doesn’t do the things he does because he feels that way,”

“Has he told you that?”

“He doesn’t have to,”

You pause to walk out the single exit door. You go through first and hold the door for Seojun, he simply looks at you. Staring from the other side of the doorway. The air is fresh and you try not to shiver as he does so.

“What?” You ask him, tightening your own grip on the garbage bag.

“Is Seung-joon the one who called you that day?” That day at the mall, weekends ago.

You hesitate, but answer with a soft, “yeah,”

“And he’s been texting you,” he tilts his head toward your backpack, where your phone resides. Referring to earlier when your phone had gone off.

“Yeah,” you echo.

“Maybe you should have more faith in yourself,” the line repeated at you sounds foreign.

He smoothly walks out of the building and makes his way toward the large trash can towards the back of the building. Leaving you holding the door, staring dumbfounded.

“What do you mean?” You jog to catch up to him, the garbage bag rattling in your hand.

You’re reaching the dumpsters all too quickly. Seojun lifts the lid of one and swings his bag up and into it. Then, he turns to you, hand-stretched out expectantly. Your face is heating up as it takes you a second to realize he’s asking for your own garbage bag.

“Is it that unlikely that he likes you?” He says as he disposes of the bag.

“Nobody’s ever shown interest before,” you tell him, and he looks back at you with his eyebrows raised. Almost like he’s saying, “Really?”.

Maybe he had seen the way boys flocked at your feet. Maybe he had made notice of your friendliness. Maybe he was curious about you. Your knees nearly buckle at the thought. You shrug, kicking at your feet as you realize you’ll have to say goodbye soon.

“Not seriously, at least,”

He hums at that, eyes narrowing.

“Is someone picking you up?” He asks, hands in his pockets, wanting to move on.

“No, I take the bus,” you tell him, “is someone picking you up?”

He shakes his head, lips pursed pensively.

“Shall I walk you?”

“Which way are you walking?”

You both flush. You point first in the direction you're going. Seojun’s house is the opposite way. However, it’s the very course Seojun must walk to the pharmacy. Down the narrow path that wraps around the school. Towards the front. There, a bus station sits two blocks down the road from the main entrance. As you both begin to walk that way, you enter a passageway with high walls and hardly enough walking space for one person.

But instead of Seojun staying behind or walking in front of you, he stays close by your side. It makes your arms rub uncomfortably, but it brings you warmth so you stay like that.

“I’d give you a ride on my motorcycle, but I stopped driving it,” he rubs his neck sheepishly, scrunching up his long arm to reach.

“Oh, that’s right,” you recall, “because of your girlfriend,”

Your statement is meant to be teasing, but you can’t help the slight jealousy that leaks from it. Seojun quickly turns to you, stunned at how you know that.

“Who--?”

“You kinda gave her your keys in front of the entire class,”

You remember the day, long ago, Seojun walked into class and dropped his keys on Jugyeong’s desk, rumors quickly spreading as she tried to return them. The whole school speculated over them.

“Oh,” he remembered, “right,”

His eyes glance at your side, trying to read you.

“She’s not my girlfriend, though,” he told you and you hum in disbelief, “Really--my mom just asked her to look after me,”

He’s digging his own grave. Seojun can tell you don’t believe him, so he goes on.

“There’s nothing going on between the two of us,”

You look up at him, face unreadable.

“Hey, my lips are sealed,” you arch an eyebrow, tempting him. You want to hear him say it. You need to, “Just because I don’t have a partner doesn’t mean you can’t,”

“Seriously,” he defends himself, “It’s kinda like what you were saying,”

The two of you turn quiet as the statement settles in. Like what you were saying about Seung-joon. It’s unreciprocated. Hollow, in your case. Maybe the two of you were destined to fall in love with people who didn’t feel the same. It was comforting to know Seojun was going through the same thing you were. You hum at the thought.

“It’s different, though, no?” you wonder, “Jugyeong seems to like you enough,”

“Seung-joon seems to like you, too,” he counters.

“It’s just that—“ you chew on your cheek.

“It’s just that?” He bumps into your shoulder teasingly. Your opposite side rubbing against the wall.

You glance at him and sulk. You didn’t like the butterflies that started in your tummy. And you definitely didn’t want to keep talking about Seung-joon. But something about Seojun’s presence was so comforting, and maybe you hadn’t been imagining the jealousy behind his words. Maybe if you pushed him a little further, you could test the grounds, feel him out.

“I heard around that Seung-joon was going to ask me out,” you finally tell him.

It’s hard to decipher the look on Seojun’s face.

“Officially, I mean” You explain.

Guilt creeps up Seojun’s neck. He tries to move further away from you, but considering the narrow pathway, it doesn’t do much.

“But, you know, to be honest, I don’t think he actually wants to,” you admitted, “Which I know sounds stupid because he’s the one who approached me, but I don’t know—I,” you trail, “I’ve never felt at comfortable with him, I guess?”

Seojun looks over at you with sad eyes.

“It’s not stupid,” it comes out soft.

“You don’t have to pity me,” you scoff.

“I’m not,”

His tone is genuine. Everything about Seojun invited you in, eased your mind. The way his eyes turned soft and the way his lips would hang ever so slightly open. When his warm body would turn towards you and unconsciously lean your way. It was so contradictory to the way you and Seung-joon interacted. The very juxtaposition made both your head and heart spin.

Especially on that day where you had met up with Seung-joon after the snow. You explained to him that you had gotten lost on the way, but you could tell he knew it was a lie. That was your first mistake. Your second was thinking about Seojun for the remainder of your date. Quietly sitting, staring at the sky, wondering if Seojun had run after Jugyeong. Said date took notice of your distracted mind and ended the date early saying he had homework to do.

“He hasn’t even attempted a kiss,” you huff out, not realizing you were getting lost in thought. Seojun’s brows furrowed.

The two of you turn the corner, finally freeing yourselves from the narrow passageway. You can see tall, thin trees start to appear more frequently. Its pigmented leaves contrast it. The sidewalk is large now. Yet, the distance between you two is unchanging. You take uneven steps, purposely causing you to bump into Seojun. It gives you an excuse to keep brushing your arms.

“Seojun?” You ask him and he hums, “You’re a man, right?”

That was reassuring.

You notice the change in his stance and you take it as a sign that he’s offended.

“I mean—“

A soft ‘ne’ falls from his lips. You quickly look at the side of his face, hoping to catch his eyes, but they’ve focused straight ahead on the pathway. This was it.

“Would you kiss me?”

Seojun almost trips when you ask the question. He catches his feet but stops in his tracks. You stop next to him and he doesn’t know if he wishes you were closer or further from him.

“What?” He turns his body to face you and your eager eyes await him. Air stops reaching Seojun’s lungs.

You’ve walked further down the path now. The colors of fall compliment your skin. The white trunks speckled with brown line the wide sidewalk. Yellows and reds litter the floor. Leaves that crunch under your feet. The setting sun rests softly in the distance. Its warmth leaves you, but Seojun doesn’t feel the cold.

You stand with your hands clutching at your sides. They shiver in the cold air. They stubbornly refuse to grab the mittens inside of your backpack. Too impatient to bother, and not willing to cross your arms for warmth. Your eyes are unmoving. They still patiently as you wait for his answer.

Suddenly, Seojun wishes he could take your picture whilst you’re looking at him like this. With your shivering hands and restless thoughts. Eyes shining as they reflect the sun back to him. He knows, though, that he wouldn’t be capable of capturing your beauty.

It wouldn’t hurt to try.

“Would you have made a move by now?” Your stare is intimidating.

What was Seojun supposed to say? That he did want to kiss you? That he’s wanted to kiss you since your eyes first met? That his heart does backflips and his mind goes blank whenever you ask him questions like these? Because they do. And he does.

Seojun’s tongue clicks against his teeth and he forces his lungs to breathe once more.

“Are you asking me what I would do or what I would do if I was Seung-joon?”

You think for a second. The wind picks up.

“If you had watched the snow with me--”

“We did watch the snow together.” he doesn’t miss a beat and it makes you think again.

“I mean if you were Gu Seung-joon,” you miss the way his eyes squint in annoyance, “And we had planned to watch the snow together. Would you have kissed me when we finally met?”

The birch branches shift around you as a breeze blows through the air. Muted yellow leaves cascade from them and are blown into the sky. Nature scatters dead leaves on the dirt-covered sidewalk. They dance as the wind touches them, twirling as they hit the ground.

They remind you of the snow that day.

“Not if you didn’t want me to,” Seojun finally answers.

“Do you think it seemed that way?” You’re puzzled. Seojun bites on his cheek.

“From what you told me,” his eyes wander from yours, “didn’t it?” You’re silent, and Seojun doesn’t wait to see if you’ll speak, “What about you? Why haven’t you kissed him? What’s holding you back? I thought you liked him,”

You breathe. Your eyes don’t move from his. The leaves twist and turn around him. You wonder if he’s cold.

“I guess my heart was still holding out for someone else,”

The features on Seojun’s face soften. His eyebrows unfurrow and he realizes how tense he’s standing. Shoulders scrunched up anticipating your next words. Teeth grinding unconsciously, making a pang of pain start towards the back of his head. He has to make himself take in air.

His lips part to exhale and you watch as the cold air comes out of his pretty lips. Your eyes stay on them. You may do something stupid if he doesn’t close them soon. It’s only when the cold air wisps through the air again that they close. Your eyes hurry back to his.

His heart stutters. Wind blows his hair out of his face and he resists the urge to fix it. His forehead is on display and he hopes he isn’t blushing. Could you have been talking about him? He felt stupid as his blood pounded harder at your words.

“Then you should talk to Seung-joon,” he pulls his gaze away from yours and decides to keep walking.

You, however, don’t move. You watch as his feet lift off the floor, one after the other. Leaves parting to make way. The cold air makes a shiver run through your spine. It tickles the back of your neck and itches your scalp. You’re chewing on your bottom lip and you know you should stop. But when he finally notices you’re not following him and turns back, you bite harder. The wind is making his hair go everywhere now.

“What about you, then? If—“ you hesitate, “If there were no conditions?”

If things were different; if he wasn’t into Jugyeong, and you weren’t into Seung-joon. The leaves continue to float around him. Time slows as you wait for him to say something. Your entire focus is on him.

“Would you have kissed me?” The question is repeated, but it holds a different weight now.

“It doesn’t matter,”

Rejection is so much worse than you can ever imagine. You’re expecting it. He said it himself, you two should get along, as friends. No more than that. It’d be betraying Seung-joon, who had approached you at the bus stop. He had been patient with you when you were late to watch the snowfall. Understanding, even, when it comes to your hesitance. Seung-joon and you were meant to get to know each other and eventually date.

But something about the way Seojun’s name fit with yours made your heart skip a beat. When he’d stare at you like you were the most important person in the world. And speak to you with kindness you’ve never heard from him directed towards you. Having him say those words of denial had you breaking you out of delusion.

The perfect fantasy world where the only thing you ever had to think about was your happiness. Where you could watch the snowfall with whomever you wanted. And not stress about studying hard and getting good grades.

“If not for the conditions, we wouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place,” he swallows, “It’s pointless to wonder what could have been,”

He tells you what you think you want to hear. What he thinks is best. He knows that before that weekend under the snow, he most likely wouldn’t have given your existence a second thought. He’d think of you as just another singer in his sister’s club. An acquaintance. Another student living in the background of his life. An extra in the scenes that took place in front of his eyes.

You liked Seung-joon. He was the reason you were at the mall that day. He’s the man who you were supposed to fall in love with. Watch the snow with. You’re supposed to go to Seung-joon’s basketball games and he’s supposed to go to your choir concerts. Seojun had come in and ruined it for the both of you. Guilt ate his stomach for stealing the experience from you. What was worse, he kind of enjoyed the feeling he got whenever he was near you. A part of him wondered what it’d be like to like you, and have you like him back.

“Right,” You seemingly shrugged it off.

Your response was casual. It was the correct response. It was the only response you could’ve given to his harsh one. Seojun hadn’t expected anything else. So, why had it made him feel worse? Strings tugged at Seojun’s heart. He couldn’t help but feel selfish as he wished for more from you. He liked Jugyeong. No--he likes Jugyeong. He went to a baseball game for her with Suho. If that doesn’t speak volumes he doesn't know what will.

If that was the case, though, why had he been so eager to spend the afternoon with you? This was turning out to be one big, confusing mess and it was making Seojun’s chest ache. He thinks he might end up chasing it if it means he can see you more often.

You stand a few feet from him. Your hands are shaking, and you’re not sure if it’s from the cold or the nerves working their way through your body. Regardless, you smile softly at him. It’s a sad smile. Full of what-ifs and lingering what could have been’s. It’s accepting.

It catches him off guard, and it’s surprisingly contagious. Seojun would smile back if he wasn’t terrified.

In a split-second decision, Seojun decides to not let it overtake him. To be selfish for once in his life. This time, he is the one yanking terror by its neck. And, rather than letting it lurk over Seojun, he’s going to; force it under his feet, and ride it.

“Instead,” your smile falters as he keeps talking, ”you should ask me what kind of flowers I’ll bring to your next performance,”

The stretch of skin around your mouth morphs. The ends go straight and your bottom lip drops ever so lightly. All of your muscles freeze, and you don’t dare try to move. Seojun is starting to wonder if he’s made a mistake when you finally find your words.

“And what kind would that be?” you’re scared.

“Arbutus,” he doesn’t hesitate, “Pink,”

You blink. Arbutus. Arbutus. You rake your brain for any information you have on the flower and come up blank. You can hardly remember what they look like if you’re being honest. The confusion must show on your face because Seojun starts walking towards you.

His hands are in his pockets, and his eyes are on you. He doesn’t stop until his body is almost pressed right against yours. Mere inches are left. You can hear his clothes rustle. You breathe an all too audible breath and you can’t stop it from escaping your lips not too long after. The air turns white around it and it blows straight into Seojun. His adam apple bobs. He swallows in his already dry mouth. The cold air is no longer noticeable as your bodies are lending each other heat.

“What do those mean?” You can’t help it when your voice trembles.

You’re staring at one another. You’re standing so close. A voice in the back of your head thinks maybe you should take a step back. But your body is screaming at you to close the distance. You know already there’s too much at risk.

And yet the only thing you can concentrate on is Seojun’s proximity to you. The way his eyes are looking at you. The way he’s slowly bringing himself closer. The way the wind blows his hair back, his eyes narrowing. The way his head is moving towards yours. Turning to fit yours. The way you could press your lips to his if you simply tilt your head ever so slightly to the—

“I love only you,”

Seojun pauses. He’s motionless, still. His body occasionally brushes against yours. You’re borrowing the other’s air. Practically exchanging air into each other’s mouths. Stealing as much oxygen as you can from the other.

You realize that he’s waiting for you. He’s wanting to make sure you’re okay with this. Your heart flutters at the thought.

“We shouldn’t,” an obligatory statement that must be said.

“Hm?” his nose brushes yours. Your skin tickles at it.

“You like Jugyeong--”

“You like Seung-joon,” his breath makes shivers go down your spine.

You’re not sure if either of you are truthful.

“I--Can I kiss you?”

A nod, and a hum of conformation.

Your lips hold his. Immediately, the feeling is all-consuming. An overload of senses. You’re all too aware of how awkwardly your hands hang on your sides. His hands hover over yours. They reach out to kiss his palms to yours. You no longer worry about whether or not your nails are bare.

The wind picks up around you. It blows loose leaves on the floor, brushing your ankles. Scattering them across the floor. The setting sun shines brightly in the distance. The sky bleeds orange-pink hues. One color fading into the other.

Having Han Seojun for this chilly afternoon is all you’ll ever need if it means you can feel his lips pressed against yours for the remainder of it. It's awkward and a little bit clumsy, but all in all, the kiss only makes you want to learn how to better shape your lips to fit his. All the flips your stomach is doing don’t bother you anymore with the way his thumb traces patterns on your hand. Souls mending as your bodies melt into one.

You can taste the mashed potatoes he had for lunch on his tongue, and you wonder if he tastes the cherry soda you had. All while he can only focus on how well he can smell your perfume perfectly from where he stands, leaning against you. Only cementing the aroma in his mind.

At this moment, the two of you desperately need each other. Almost like finding a piece of yourself you never realized was missing. Your other half, an extension of yourself, flaws and all. There’s nothing the two of you can’t share with the opposite. You know you can’t come back from this kiss, you’ll regret it the moment you pull away. So, right now, you desperately need to stay like this, clammy hands clutching him tightly, rough teeth bumping together.

That’s why, when he finally pulls away, your head falls onto his chest. It rapidly rises and falls as he catches his breath.

“Don’t hang out with Seung-joon anymore,” He almost whispers,

You lift your head, face heating up at his swollen lips. Shock showing on your face, “What?”

What he wants to tell you is: “Watch the snow with me, nobody else. Because I can’t bear the thought of you standing under the snow with someone who isn’t me. Not with Seung-joon--not with anyone,”

But all he can do is swallow hard.

He likes you so much and it’s horrifying. Because Seojun doesn't think he’s ever felt this way for anyone--and so quickly, too. But he doesn’t want to scare you off. He’s missed his chance with Jugyeong, he knows that. You both mean a lot to him. Now, the question is, who means more? Does it matter when Jugyeong has moved on? Have you? Assuming you return his feelings. You must. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have exchanged spit with him, surely. All of this thinking is making Seojun’s head pound. But perhaps that’s just all the blood rushing to his face.

Seojun is willing to put his old feelings for Jugyeong aside for you. To be ready to love you, at full capacity. Isn’t that what love is? Being willing to put his heart on the line regardless of what the end result will be? Seojun isn’t sure he knows what love is. But he does know that when you stare at him his chest swells so badly it hurts.

“I can’t be friends with you,” his eyes won’t meet yours, “I can’t be just friends”

His hands start to pull away from yours, but you quickly grab them. You can feel the sweat of his palms.

“Seojun, I like you” You reassure him, and his eyes quickly come up. The golden-brown irises shine brightly as they reflect the setting sun, “But I’m not sure if I can be more than friends with you right now,”

Just as before, that sad smile returns to your face. Your eyes are soaked in melancholy. He nods in dejection. You speak slowly. As if you’re saying things aloud as they come to your mind.

“But if, after we’ve--,” broken up with other people, “--settled things amongst ourselves, if you’d like to give me flowers after a performance, I would gladly accept them. Or I can get you flowers, too! What was that shop you mentioned? I can find some pink flowers--arbutus,”

You’re rambling, but all Seojun can do is smile. Walking to the pharmacy will be no trouble now that he knows you’re willing to be his.

“I’d like that,”

----

epilogue

if u’ve made it this far ty for reading I appreciate u. i let my perfectionism get the best of me, but here it is! lmk what u thought, luv y’all.

tags:

@sftpjmn @dramasmarvel @marylimlp @shawkneecaps

#true beauty #true beauty fanfic #true beauty seojun #reader insert #seojun x reader #han seojun x reader #han seojun #seojun han #fanfiction #x reader #kdrama #kdrama fanfic #one shot #fanfic #my writing #imagine #hwang in yeop #han seo joon #hwang inyeop

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